How do we start addressing this for our boys?

Tech Questions
1

My husband and I have a concern about how our 11 and 14 year old sons are using their phones and the computer in our home. We feel overwhelmed by all of this. They have an iPhone and Macbook. What would you recommend we do to get started?

1 Like
2

Parenting with tech is about discipleship, not about solely parental controls. You must commit to conversations and ongoing dialogue with your children to protect them from the dangers that tech invites into your home.

That being said, every Apple device comes with built-in parental controls through a feature called Screen Time. These controls have limitations, but you can configure them in an afternoon and have basic protection on their iPhones. We will have a video course coming out on this soon, but this should get you started.

What I will include here will seem long, but all of the steps could be completed in a few hours.

Family Account

Your family will need to be set up as an Apple Family Sharing account - you can get more information at the link below:

You will need to ensure that your children appear as children in the list of people in your family group. It should look something like the following image (from Apple):

477Ă—643 54.5 KB

Update Device Software

It is essential to be sure that your devices are all up-to-date with the latest software updates.

  • Go to the Settings app
  • Click General and then Software Update

If there is an update, be sure it is installed.

Delete Apps

I would recommend deleting all apps that your kids don’t explicitly need. I realize this may be rough initially, but it will help ensure they always come to you if they want to install an app. Many apps present dangers that the kids can’t handle.

Setup Apple Screen Time

  • Go to the Settings App
  • Click on Family (it should be near the top)
  • Pick one of your children (you will need to the following steps for each of them)

Setup Purchase Protection

  • Click on Ask To Buy and then make sure the option is selected for Require Purchase Approval

Setup Downtime

  • Click on Screen Time
  • Click on Downtime
  • At some point, you will be asked to create a Screen Time password. Make sure to set a value that you know but your kids do not. They mustn’t find out this code.
  • Turn the Scheduled option on. Then set the time their device will be unavailable (for example, 7pm-7am).
  • Next, select the Block at Downtime option.
  • Hit the button at the top left that says < Screen Time.

Setup Content Restrictions

  • Click on Content & Privacy Restrictions
  • Be sure Content & Privacy Restrictions is turned on.
  • Go to iTunes & App Store Purchases

I recommend disabling their ability to install apps (at least for now). Often, they do not realize the dangers of the apps they install.

  • Change Installing Apps to Don't Allow
  • Change Deleting Apps to Don't Allow
  • Change In-app Purchases to Don't Allow
  • Set Require Password to Always Require
  • Touch the < Back button in the top left

Next, select the Allowed Apps & Features options. From here you can see the included apps. You can turn off anything that you have concerns with. I recommend most parents disable anything their child doesn’t explicitly need. For example, you can disable Safari here, if you don’t them going to websites. You’ll see in a minute how to control what they can do with Safari.

  • Once you’ve made the necessary changes, press the < Back button in the top left

Next, select the App Store, Media, Web & Games option.

  • Review the options under Allowed Media Services Content. Set the values you think should be here for your children
  • Next, under Web Content, select Only Approved Websites. If you choose this, they can only visit the websites that you enter in here. If your child needs to access sites for school, you will need to know what sites they use. You can choose the less restrictive option, Limit Adult Websites, which doesn’t provide comprehensive protection.
  • Press the < Back button in the top left two times

Next, you can change the settings in the Intelligence & Siri section. The settings will vary depending on your device.

  • Make sure Web Search Content is set to Don't Allow and Explicit Language is set to Don't Allow
  • Press the < Back button

Finally, you can adjust the remaining settings on this page:

  • Set Share My Location to Don't Allow
  • Set Passcode & Face ID to Don't Allow (this is to ensure they don’t change their passcode)
  • Set Accounts to Don't Allow

You can set other items here as needed.

  • Press the < Back button

Set Up App Limits

You can use this feature to set time limits for each type of app. You can even add them in for specific apps (instead of just by category). If there is an app that you child uses often, be sure to set a limit for it here.

Communication

The final sections here have to do with Communication.

  • First, select the Communication Safety feature.
  • Be sure this option is turned on.
  • Next, select the < Back option and then the Communication Limits option.
  • Now, you can specify who they can communicate with and when they can do it. If you need to control who they are talking with, which I recommend, you can select the option to Manage Their Contacts. You can also turn off their ability to edit their own contacts.

You then can specify who they can contact during screen time (which would be friends), and then who they can contact anytime (trusted family, etc…).

Testing and Troubleshooting

I recommend testing every setting on your child’s device to ensure it is working as intended. Screen Time is far from perfect. If something isn’t working, I recommend following these steps:

  1. Restart your device and your child’s device
  2. Ensure both devices are fully updated (see above)
  3. If still not working, log out of your Apple account and then log back in on each device.

General Recommendations

In addition to the technical items, I recommend a few general rules:

  • Don’t allow devices outside of public areas in the home (no bedroom use).
  • Set overall time limits. You can use our Family Screen Time Plan to get started on this. It will require that you sign-in with your DigitalParenting.com account.
  • Have a time roughly 60-90 minutes before bed where devices are put away for the evening.
  • Walk through the Bible study we provide on how we use our time. This can be a great first step in talking about honoring God with our digital lives with your children.
3

Thank you! We’ll get started on this, and I’ll let you know what questions we have.

1 Like